I am out of excuses

If we’d live in a Pinocchio world, someone’s lying would be easy to detect.
Unfortunately, unless you had CIA training, it might get difficult to reveal a good actor.
However some people claim that body language can tell a lot.

I do want to say, I’m not a big believer of this.
If you see me folding my arms, I’m not trying to be defensive.
I’m just awkward and have no idea what to do with my arms.
If you see my hands on my hips, it’s usually because my lower back pain kicks in.

But I did have a look on some of the common signs when someone is lying:

  • When someone’s lying might breathe more heavily
  • They may repeat words or phrases
  • They provide too much information
  • They tend to cover vulnerable body parts (mouth, throat, chest)

Lately, I have been drowning in lies and excuses.
I know that my lies sound so unconventional that they’re almost believable.
I have become really creative with it, yet almost out of excuses.
But I am far from proud or relieved.
In fact, I hate living like this.

One year ago I took this job with full excitement.
And I still love it.
But what I don’t love are all the social activities attached to it.
Not only because I want to drink tea and watch Netflix in the comfort of my own home.
But I am very nervous about the location of the activities.

There are certain areas and roads that I cannot go to.
I cannot even hear the name.
I cannot even bear seeing the name.
They are not just on my navigation. They are on road signs, they are own trucks and cars driving by.
If I even see this name, a series of rituals have to be performed.
I throw away my clothes. I need to chop off the tiniest bit of hair. I clean the house endlessly.
And I pray that I can be spared of all of this for at least one day.
Thank you OCD, thank you so very much for ruining my life.

Yesterday I signed my contract for a job abroad.
I also told my current manager about it.
He was incredibly kind.
That’s why calling him with an excuse “my toilet is clogged” to skip a team building tonight was really F*ing hard.

I’d love to tell the truth.
But I can’t.
I’m not embarrassed.
But some words I simply cannot hear or

I am slightly relieved that the big news is out.
But I am really crapping my pants since Jasper did not yet the contract for the same country abroad.
Realistically, things are looking good for him.
But also realistically, I don’t trust the universe.
Would you?

 

 

25 thoughts on “I am out of excuses

  1. Sorry that you’re feeling like this Andrea and I hope that things work out for you :O) With regard to the job and the lies; you don’t need to climb rope or fall backwards into someone’s (hopefully) waiting arms to work as part of a team – unless you’re contractually obliged, don’t go. It’s so much easier sometimes to make an excuse but lies do have a funny way of coming back to bite you in the arse; telling the truth might be hard but it’s much easier to live with ;o) xx

  2. Congrats! I am so happy for you! Jasper’s just HAS to come through! Don’t feel bad though. Why should you go to team building when you’re leaving anyway?

  3. You’re never gonna change, just accept it. You value your privacy and you want people to leave you alone. I can definitely relate. If anything joke about it with your loved ones. I think we all do this, just in an attempt to avoid conflict or follow up questions. Congratulations on you’re new job. I hope you enjoy the next leg of your adventure.

  4. Thank you Julie! I really hope so too.
    To be honest, I do like the people that are going on the team building. But yes, it doesn’t make much sense now.
    I still have another 2 months though 😉

  5. Yeah, it’s really shitty at the moment, but I think it can be changed. And it will be 🙂
    Unfortunately this, I cannot tell. And I don’t anyone would understand even. But to the people close to me, I’m always honest 🙂

  6. Excited. Scared. Sad. Nervous.
    All kinds of emotions I’m feeling now.
    But thanks!

    Well, it’s at least an excuse you cannot really argue with. 😉

  7. First of all congratulations and second of all remember that everything happens for a reason so if you got the job it is because it was meant to be and be part of your life so you and Jasper will make it work ❤️

  8. The body language thing makes me think of when I used to play a card game where I had to draw cards from my deck and place them face down in the game pile, but also had to say which cards I was putting down. The catch was I could be truthful about which cards they were or I could lie. Once when it was my turn, I was honest but my demeanor came off as nervous because I avoided eye contact when I announced which cards they were. The reality was I simply didn’t like having attention on me as the people I played with were gauging my reaction. But my cousin (one of the players) assumed I was totally lying lol.

    I don’t know if I would trust the universe if I were in your shoes, but I would definitely have some hope that everything will find a way to work itself out in the end.

  9. So nice that you got that job. Jasper’s job will come through too. Excuses give you the chance to do what you want to really do on your own. No worries. Live the way you feel best.

  10. That is so exciting! I understand the thrill, hope and anxiety related to moving to a new country. It is exciting but comes with all it’s ups and downs.

    I hope the contract works out for Jasper soon too so you can be in the same country!!

    Clogged toilet! lol! First time hearing this one. With my coworkers I used to hear “flooded basement” a lot, like every other week with the same guy! Very believable 😀

  11. Omg haha I think this is something like… all introverts or closed off or private people can completely understand. There’s so much pressure that it’s easier to come up with a lie sometimes. It’s like stop interrogating me! *hyperventilates* Congrats on the exciting new adventure ahead!

  12. A rely heavily on body language as I believe it coincides with what someone is thinking and feeling….. Sometimes they can be interchangeable and we need to read between the lines but not always…… both are relevant in seeing the bigger picture…..Sometimes life can be pictured as a massive chess board or Rubik’s cube depending on how one perceives….. Interesting read, I like your way of perceiving, I have been told i am extremely challenging to try and understand, read or explain 😀

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