What you seem on the outside vs. what you really are on the inside.

We “always” talk about people with a  “strong shell, but are a softie inside”.

You might have guessed, I’m the opposite.

You’d see me crying.
You’d see me breaking down, falling on my knees,.
You’d hear me whine.

But I’m so damn tough on the inside.
I simply can’t give up.
I can’t lay down in bed all day do nothing because I think everything is worthless.
I can’t postpone things.

I hear you think, “that’s a great quality”.
But it’s also very tiring.
My mind is constant looking for solutions to fix or prevent things.

Some time back my colleague said really mean, untrue things straight to my face, just before I had an important meeting where I to do a presentation.
As soon as he stepped in my office, I KNEW he was going to say something nasty.
I mentally prepared myself and begged myself not to cry.
But, I did.
The taps opens itself, I can’t seem to help it.

On that Friday I went home and instead of taking a long bath and crawl into bed, I opened my laptop.
While re-writing my CV, I ranted to Jasper about “They’ll miss me when I’m gone”, “Who the hell does he think he is” and “I’ll show him what Andrea B. is made off”.
That weekend I applied for at least 50 jobs.
I started plotting my Plan B in case he would dare to be an asshole again.

A few weeks back, on a trip to France, I bought a cheap coffee cup where my star sign was explained:

img_4904

Via Google Translate:

Sentimental, Emotional,
Romantic, Imaginative,
Sensitive, Resistant,
Protective, Vulnerable,
Generous, Dreamer,  Devoted.

All true, but only what I seem from the outside.
If anyone would ever take the time to get to know me, that opinion might change.

Are you the one with a hard shell, but a soft boiled egg inside?
Or are you the one easy to tear up, but in the meantime you fix/prevent whatever needed?

19 thoughts on “What you seem on the outside vs. what you really are on the inside.

  1. I hate working with uneccessary difficult colleagues! A big part of the reason I left my last job in the new year was due to a superior who was a total asshole (that’s putting it nicely). However, as much as the situation is really stressed me out made work unenjoyable, I am almost thankful it happened because I stood up for myself and did not take his shit. I used to be very sentimental on the outside and inside, any inconvenience felt like the end of the world and like I couldn’t manage anything, even though I somehow always did.

    These days, I feel like a rock on the outside and inside. I haven’t cried in ages and weirdly I kind of want to! I feel like I’ve subconsciously buried slot of stress and heartache, but truthfully I don’t feel like facing those emotions because not too long ago I felt like I was a constant emotional wreck, and it’s almost like my body and mind feel allergic to my own
    public displays of emotion!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hearing your story, I think you also might have been tougher on the inside. But I’m very happy to hear that it shows on the outside too!
      Some people have told me that showing no emotions might make you seem like a robot. NOT TRUE.
      Emotions can be shown to the right people. But none of the assholes are ever going to show empathy because your tears. It only makes them stronger.

      And your superior might have been an asshole and wanted you gone, but I’m very sure that he never thought you’d actually do it.
      You have shown him! Very good 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m a Taurus and this sounds like me to a T! No one truly appreciates just how strong and resourceful us women can be, and of those 50 job applications I hope something comes to fruition and you can flip those who brought you down off! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Isn’t it awesome how such people can motivate us? I used to have a co-worker talk about turning their life around for years (job, relationship, city, etc.), while I said nothing. It seemed like I was an underachiever, and they were reaching for stars. But guess what – One day, I realized it was TIME to make a change, and so I did it. (Probably shocked everyone.) While that other person is still in their old position, not doing anything to change it. Actions. Not just words.

    I thought answering this question of yours would be easy, but then I thought of different situations in my life, and suddenly, I am not so sure. It depends on the situation and the people around me. However, I think I am comprised of more than 2 layers. I might be tough on the outside, but then a bit soft further down, and back to tough in the center.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. People who talk too much, usually don’t do any actions. Their words can hurt or annoy, but you have to keep remembering that if you’re too busy talking, you’re too busy doing anything.
      And you proved that!

      At least I know you’re tough on the outside? You don’t tear up easily?

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Hmmm that’s a good question… I think with my family I’m a big softie but hardened on the inside. It depends who I am with outside my family… sometimes my defense mechanism is to seem like the naive, smiley girl that I am because I feel uncomfortable or awkward. But I don’t like being taken advantage of so then they’re taken aback when I defend myself or stand my ground. Sometimes, I’m tough but a softie on the inside. Depends on my position with them, too, I guess… WHAT AM I???

    Like

    1. Hahaha. That’s what I sometimes wonder, What Am I? 😉
      That’s why the phrase “Just be yourself” can’t really apply. It all depends on the situation. And sometimes you simply have to pretend you’re someone else.

      Liked by 1 person

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