My opinion about #METOO

And this might an unpopular once again. So brace yourselves 😉

I feel like we are living in a world where we can’t avoid the #METOO topic anymore.
Of course I feel bad for the women.
But even more so, I am concerned for regular, polite men.
What are they even allowed to say these days without unintentionally insult a woman?

Being the only girl in Engineering class you might think I was treated like a princess.
That everyone tried to get my attention.
Far from that.
Many didn’t care what gender I was.

Others were of some sort of religion who believed that women should cook for their man and raise the children.
Could I really blame them for saying the same to me? Probably not.

Some kept on stating that I wasn’t going to make it through the first year, then the second, then the third and  the fourth.
Until the day of graduation.
The nastiest asshole came to congratulate me.
“I never believed we would be both be standing here on the same day, but I was wrong. You go girl”.

Maybe he didn’t think I was going to make because of my female genre, but maybe because I really wasn’t as passionate about electrical engineering as most of my classmates were.
Could that possible be it?

I remember this one guy who kept on insisting to go out with him.
I always said no, but if  he didn’t talk to me or gave me attention for just one day, I became angry with him.
Sounds familiar to you?

I remember going to London on a trip.
Everyone called us “Darling”, “Sweety” or “Honey”.
My friend felt extremely insulted by this.
But could it be that this is actually part of the polite British culture?

Before writing this post I did some research and came across the following:

Capture

Why are we assuming men have done something terrible to every woman out there in the world.
Maybe this is a “Thank God” moment, but I sincerely can’t think of any case where a man has assaulted me so I can be part of the #METOO movement.

Something else did happen, not too long back.
I was sitting outside talking to another lady.
She suddenly placed her hand on my leg and squeezed in it.
Now,  I can’t deny that I have pretty muscled legs and it might pretty rare for a female. But you could have asked, you know?

At that exact moment I felt what women, who have been assaulted  by men, might feel.
A feeling of weakness.
Not even able to say “No” or push them away.
I simply froze and was left confused.

Now let’s say I report this.
I place it all over social media.
Would I be taken serious? Would someone even believe me?

Men aren’t all saints, but certainly women aren’t either.
Yet somehow there always seems to be a way to rectify their actions.

I said it in the beginning of the post, but let me repeat myself:
I feel bad for the woman, but also want to raise awareness for men who never had any bad intentions.

 

48 thoughts on “My opinion about #METOO

  1. You channel a great part of my feeling. When the hashtag popped on facebook I had to dig my memory…and no, I couldn’t come up with anything. But didn’t I meet men acting weirdly? Being a solo traveler in Egypt, for example? I dunno. Sure yes, but make a story out of it? No stories, I guess, I was as much lucky as forgetting 🙂
    I see Scandinavian men who were run over by feminists in 70s so that they had to forget the chivalry altogether. Eastern-European girls get offended that no man holds a door for them here. Norwegian girls get offended when they do hold doors. Poor men! :)))

  2. You are a saint my friend…😀😀…you seem like that Tomboy friend in the group that protected the male friends from other ladies. Who fought for her male friend saying he can’t have done that. Who still believed in the goodness in men…👏👏👏….and the existence of a teeny tiny possibility of a woman being wrong… 🙌 Grand salute 💥🙌…God bless ya…

  3. Interesting! Any idea why?
    Because it’s just more of a “women’s thing”?

    I feel equally uncomfortable being called or touched by men and women, unless I know them and their intentions.

    I was raised being called “sine” by mum.
    I know it’s a cultural thing, but.. mhh. I don’t agree with it 😉

  4. Well these days men can’t seem to protect themselves, so I do it for them 😉
    Joking of course!

    But yes, if one day we start believing that women can be wrong as well, we might be finally be available to have equality 🙂

  5. This is soooo right!
    I am originally from Eastern Europe. I live in the Netherlands now and have lived in Denmark before. And that statement about holding the doors, is very true. 😀
    Men just can’t seem to do anything right!

  6. What can I say.
    Living in a world where LGBT communities are growing larger and larger, I wouldn’t be so sure anymore with women not meaning anything by saying “Honey”.

  7. We all are busy talking about women rights but who is going to talk about men rights. Suddenly the world has developed an idea that only women can understand the women rights and implement them. The problem is not men but the patriarchal mindset.

  8. Amen and thank you. As the mother of 4 sons I understand the problem. When you can’t complement someone without being thrown in the trash heap something is wrong. Women’s rights have turned out wrong.

  9. Hi Andrea! Good to be reading your posts again.

    My Opinion: I feel the MeToo movement isn’t about the polite respectful men at all. It is about unwanted advances and touching by men without women’s consent. While I agree most men are good, rest of the ‘most’ could learn to ask for permission instead of ‘assuming’ women ‘want’ or ‘like’. When I see those MeToo posts I realize how prevalent it is everywhere. Also, not all posts may be authentic but I am sure it took a lot out of those women to write those posts.

  10. I have always thought it might be easier to have a boy than girl (if we decide to have children), because a girl is an “easier target”.
    But life for men has become extremely difficult. You cannot even look, speak or hug a women without being accused of the most horrible things.

    I completely agree with you

  11. Hey! So happy you are back! I was actually wondering where you’ve been!
    Welcome back! 🙂

    I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like if you have gone through something like that.
    And telling this to the world shows how brave they are.

    But there is a BUT 😉

    I have been going out to clubs myself. I have seen women behaving.
    You can’t just arouse a man intentionally and then give him the cold shoulder.
    Many people don’t agree with me, but sometimes there are actions to take you prevent those things.

    Also stating that EVERY women has experienced a METOO moment, like on the snapshot in my post, crosses every boundary.
    It makes all men look like criminals.

    But then again, I do think there should be awareness for this and it should start at home and schools. And if a movement like this can contribute to that, I do support it!

  12. Well said.
    I feel like you restrained yourself a bit, though. I feel like you had more to say, but was worried about being offensive.

    This is a topic I widely debate because of how out of control it got.

    Have you heard about all the female teachers having relations with their under age students? Pretty interesting.

  13. We know it’s not all men. We obviously know that. But there are a lot of men who may not actually harass or assault women, but allow it to happen or contribute to that toxic culture.
    I have many male friends, some who I grew up with and some I’ve only recently met and while I know that none of them would ever harass me or rape someone, I hear how they talk about women and joke about rape and balk at feminism. MeToo isn’t about feeling bad for them or guys who don’t do things like that, it’s about letting men know that their “locker room talk” isn’t okay either and women are speaking out and raising awareness for an issue that women have been facing for years. I actually can’t recall ever being harassed either (luckily) but that doesn’t mean I can’t see the movement’s power and importance. Look how many celebrities have been call out, some who have been effectively taken down. Those are high profile people. Now imagine how many men who aren’t celebrities who do this and get away with it. How many bosses and CEOs who may do this. This is a culture that affects so many women. Where are the nice guys standing up for them and calling out the bad men and advocating for feminism?
    If you’re more concerned about nice guys, then you really don’t understand MeToo at all.

  14. Grin.
    You see right through me.
    There is so much more I want to say.
    But I’m guessing you already know them, potentially sharing the same opinion.

    I hear stories like thar occassionally, is there a particular one?
    I inmagine I’m going to punch something after reading it.

  15. No, but they happen. Meaning women can use their status, too. Meaning that women can have urges, too. Meaning that women are not always virtuous.

  16. Hallelujah.
    I just send you an email through your contact page because there was something I needed to rant about 😉

  17. When the MeToo movement was just starting, I was talking to a friend who told me I couldn’t understand. I related the story of a business trip, where one of the trainers, kept making sexual advances to me over two days. She even questioned whether I was a real man, because I wouldn’t respond to her.
    My boss finally told her to back off, that I was a part-time pastor, and didn’t do that stuff. The next day, I was asked to forget about the situation and told that the person had significant connections, but also significant complaints about the issue. Everyone liked her, so they hoped I wouldn’t cause trouble, because it would go bad for me if it went bad for her.
    When I related that story, I was told by my friend, that I can’t understand because MeToo is only about females getting sexually harassed/attacked/threatened

    It is a hard issue, and a lot of people deal with the pain… all around us. We have to try and find ways to help people heal from it….
    .

  18. May I say I am enjoying a bit all the men stewing in this uncertainty of whether they will be next or not, or whether they’re doing something wrong and unsure. Because I believe all women are victimized in some way to some extent in their lives, always wondering if THEY’LL be next for perhaps an even greater affront. Wondering if they’re doing something wrong or feeling guilty about doing something like wearing a skirt. I don’t wear a skirt or short shorts sometimes because I’m uncomfortable by the attention. Sadly though it’s most likely the good men who are feeling uncertain and worried rather than the bad men who are the ones who SHOULD feel uncertain and worried. But I do think the good in this is that there is more self-reflection in the world. Because even men with good intentions mansplain or make me uncomfortable without knowing it sometimes. Good intentions don’t always mean good actions.
    At the same time, I agree that it’s not all women who are innocent and not all men who are evil. There have been plenty of men who have also felt uncomfortable by unwanted gazes, touches, and more. Plenty have been assaulted. But I don’t think MeToo is to ignore them or put them on the sidelines. It’s to emphasize all the wrong that women for the most part over so many years have had to overcome. I think men can use MeToo if they would like, and I don’t think women would have much of a problem with it. But as a gender party as a whole, we have been neglected and ignored for so long, we just naturally kind of came together as a woman party. I agree that anyone hating on all men in general should take it down a notch because it doesn’t help anybody. In real life, the women are not really going around pointing fingers at a man and screeching, “EVILDOER,” but there is a lot of tension at least online. I know feminism has had a bad rep because of certain people like that. And I honestly think some people are too self-righteous and need to cool it/pick their battles.
    And may I just add, Andrea, how I love and appreciate you putting your unpopular opinions out there.

  19. I’m actually glad you said this. Fortunately I am not part of the #metoo movement, but once in high school I was repetedly harassed by a female student and actually had to get a restraining order on her. Women also have bad intentions just as much men do and I think it’s unfair to leave that out. Thanks for the awareness!

  20. I had written this post and deleted it again and started over.
    It was difficult because I didn’t want hurt or insult anyone, but I still wanted to tell my opinion and story.
    Thank you Jeff 🙂

  21. I’ve been getting quite some mixed comments on this post, which i expected 😉 . But you are the first one to mention having the same nasty experience with a woman like I had.
    I know many people say “that’s what women do. It’s natural”.
    IT ISN’T. Not to me at least. And since it’s my body, I have a say in this.

    thanks for reading and commenting. It’s a relief to see you’re on the same side 🙂

  22. Thanks for your comment.

    I can see your not standing up for me while I clearly stated I felt harassed by that lady touching and squeezing my leg.

    I guess in that respect, you don’t really understand the #MeToo movement either, now do you ?

  23. well said Andrea. First of all, we are as a women does not have a proper instruction when we grow up to stand up to ourselves and we become a victim as we do not know how to react.

    However, it is also true, some woment also harras another women or man.

    I personally do not mind with the British words such as honey, darling, etc as long the person does not touch my body.

  24. Yes, you definitely may say that 🙂
    I do understand what you mean.
    A woman should always be allowed to wear a short of a skirt. But if she to wear something that barely covers her ass, she is trying to achieve something.

    I have never been harassed, but I must say that I have been trying to achieve safety as much as I can.
    I live in a very safe neighborhood. I have car, which prevents me from taking the public transport. And basically anywhere I go, my boyfriend will tag along (except for work 😉 ). And honestly, I don’t interact much with strangers.
    Still anything can happen anywhere, but I have really eliminated the risks for myself.
    I guess not everyone has been lucky enough to achieve that.

    I’m not sure what feminism means.
    I recently got the chance to hire some people for my team at work. I really wanted a woman in my team, but there wasn’t even one woman that had applied.
    I honestly think men also like to have a bit diversity at work.

    Thank you for appreciating my unpopular opinion 🙂 I am always curious about the comments. As long as everyone stays respectful towards it’s each other it’s fun to have share opinions 🙂

  25. Lol. I totally get that! You did it well. You did a good job of using rational thinking to discuss an emotional issue! Keep being true to yourself, Andrea!

  26. It’s been such a difficult topic. While I can sympathize with woman who feel violated, I also sympathize with men who are now scared to death to do anything. A blogger I follow pvcann. talks about his disappointment to some degree. Because now where is the harmless flirting. I didntt read all your comments, but not doubt it probably created a flurry. And on a personal. An attempt at assault two different time in my life result in two very uncomfortable men. One realized I was stronger. lol and the other…I got a broken toe from it, but….. Always inspired Andrea. Donna

  27. Exactly 🙂 I am often scared of sharing my unpopular opinions despite having quite a few myself, so I admire your bravery. Respect is definitely key in having a healthy discussion.

    Feminism is what you want it to mean, I guess. I think it just means that women should be equal to men, but it has grown a negative stigma in some ways, like all movements, really!

    It’s a shame we women have to be so careful and watchful of our own honor or safety because anything that happens to us will be our fault… I hate when people use those arguments when someone is harassed or assaulted! Sigh.

    Anyway, good topic! 🙂

  28. I will look him up! That’d be interesting to read his experiences.
    Women are quite unfair when it comes to the flirting topic. If an attractive and unattractive would use the same flirting technique, one would be a creep, the other would make us melt.
    But I’m pretty sure that works the same for all humans 😉

    I loved reading that you did fought back, even with a broken toe, but it must have been so worth it! 🙂

  29. I was a bit scared for the comments, cause I never wanted to insult anyone. Especially if they have been through a horrible experience!

    Thanks for reading! A comment like yours warms my heart!

  30. I would’ve felt the same way. It’s hard to say anything today without someone being offended though. People are proud and righteous (or just flat out right and you are wrong) if you know what I mean.
    But this is a touchy subject too I guess. I’m glad you care.
    There is a lot that can be analyzed in this movement though. Such as what is really at the heart or what is the true attitude of some of the people. My own brother’s concern and question is a bit along the lines of is this movement about true correction or rather for attention? Does a man still walk unrebuked for a violation while you get likes on social media? Is your passion for true change? What did you do to seek it/prevent this from happening to someone else? I like hearing different thoughts and His was also interesting.

    Anyways thank you have a great day
    I do hope that women or men who feel mistreated or harassed see justice or help create true change in our society

  31. I started work in the 80’s and what would now be considered ‘sexual harassment’ or ‘inappropriate behaviour’ was rife, I was subject to it on any number of occasions. The result? We became stronger: we learned that a well placed elbow could halt just about any unwanted advances, we learned to speak up for ourselves so that we could ‘banter’ with the best of them. We learned not to be afraid of men – they were just people after all and could be put down just as easily as women with a well placed word or two. We fought harder to climb up the corporate ladder; we were far more tenacious than the men we were determined to beat. We learned to play them at their own games and use our feminine wiles to our own advantage. I’m not really sure what’s happened since then……..

  32. I loved this Andrea and totally agree. Its so hard because what one person may consider harassment, another may not. So unfortunately guys have to walk around on eggshells, not knowing if their compliment will be taken in the right way or as an insult.

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