Can men and women be (platonic) friends?


For the longest time in life we want all the girls in class to be out best friends.
Then suddenly the girl drama becomes too much and it becomes very popular to say “My best friend *insert male name* and I are going on a trip together”.

Of course we all have assume this is strictly platonic.

But really, is this possible?

I have always been in a male dominated environment at school and work.
Lucky girl, you might think.
I must admit, there was probably a lot less gossiping and playing mean.
But at times I was really longing for female company and advice only women can give.

I had my fair share of male “best friends”.
But honestly looking back it, there was always one ending up hurt.
People either felt sorry for me for being “friendzoned” or blamed me for”friendzoning” someone.

Maintaining a friendship with the other gender becomes even more complicated when you’re in a committed relationship yourself.
Of course, relationships are about trust.
But hanging out with that one special friend every second weekend, in my eyes, is trying to make someone jealous with intention.

I’m not sure about the exact meaning of friendship, but if it contains regularly meeting up with each other, I don’t think men and women can be friends without someone getting hurt.

Yet, I have one confession to make.
I do have a male best friend.

His name is Jasper and we’ve been together for nearly 3 years 😉

What do you think, can men and women be friends? Even when one of them is in a relationships?
Do you have any good or bad experiences yourself with this?

35 thoughts on “Can men and women be (platonic) friends?

  1. My best friend of 21 years is a male. I have many other male friends. Never once have I wanted to date one; we are perfectly happy being friends. I think the media and our heterocentric society that makes us seem that makes and females can’t be friends, when it’s honestly not a big deal.

  2. I am nearly 50 and two of my good trustworthy friends are male. Friends I would call on in the middle of the night if I had an accident or my gaspipe in my flat hat burst and the whole house collapsed and I needed a place for me and my cat and never has the thought occured to me they see anything else in me but a friend (nor do I). One is married to another friend of mine. The other is single, as far as I know.

  3. Im happy to read such stories. Infortunately my experiences were different. I maybe used to fall in love too easily 😉

  4. Happy to hear that it works out for you. I am the type that wants to avoid any kind of temptation as I feel that anyone can make a silly mistake that can ruin everything.
    But I am always happy to see succes stories! 😀

  5. I think it’s possible, but again, I recall a social experiment video about this I watched years ago that was pretty hilarious. All the girls were like, “Yeah!” but men were like, “No…” haha I think because women are likelier to get along with the other gender without ulterior motives but… I don’t know. Maybe men are simpler creatures and they only want one thing from women–romance? Otherwise, they see no point in being friends? Maybe they’re more emotionally… I really have no clue! Haha but I thought that was interesting. I think friendzone is a stupid term though that’s been giving women a bad rep. Ugh. Like we owe them something but denied them by friendzoning them. Get over yourself, you know?

  6. Finally! Whenever this debate comes up I seem to be the only person to say “no”. Now I get to have you join my club.
    Sure, males can be friends with females, but not “best friends” (unless they’re a couple).

  7. I gladly do. If you seen the orher commenrs, it’s just you and me still 😉

    I still don’t know what friendship means. I wouldn’t sacrifice a Saturday night or vacantion to spend with friends if I can spend it with Jasper. I guess I’m the lousy friend here.

  8. Idk, my life has been so complicated with this stuff hahaha. I have male friends but many flirt and others get friend-zoned or friend-zone me but hey, this is the world we live in!

  9. Ha yeah. I got a bit sick and tired of this “game”.
    I still hang out with guys, it’s hard to ignore them anyhow. I just to commit myself to a intense friendship with them 😉

  10. He is my boyfriend 😀
    I have mentioned him before. I didn’t really want to keep referring to him as “the boyfriend” haha.

  11. I think the problem is less the guy and girl who are friends themselves and more the other people who look in and make judgements. People will always gossip. I think it can absolutely be possible if everyone is open and honest and can ignore what others might think but it can be made hard. I have some close male friends and my partner has some close female friends. It helps that we all get on with each other I guess, if I didn’t like his girl friends that could get really difficult!

  12. Nope nope… as much as we’d like a world where a relationship like that can survive, my experience tells me it’s not possible. True, we all have best friends in opposite sex, but that’s always a strained relation. I agree with you that someone ends up getting hurt. Not sure about women, but I think men would readily cross the lines with their female best friends if they allow… But of course that’s what I have seen happening, and purer friendship might be in existence…

  13. So happy to see that someone agrees, finally!
    You can indeed never avoid communication with the opposite gender, but it doesn’t mean you can maintain a close friendship with them. Especially if one is already in a relationship. It’s not really fair for the partner of that person either.

    Honestly, I don’t think men and women are much different with crossing the lines.
    Women might say “No” to sex more often, but they have no problem with seducing. How’s that ever fair?
    (And I’m saying that as a woman 😉 )

  14. Thank you for saying that.✌🙏 I know that… the innocent seduction, and then pretending they never intended that… oh you plucked a taut string inside…!…and the boyfriends, I sometimes pittied them. They got lesser time than I as the best friend did… awesome topic… Thanks for reminding me some very cool, yet thankfully gone days…🤘✌👏🙏

  15. Yup, I saw. But I just looked into the comments again just now and I was happy to see there’s more than 2 of us now (3).

    Well, that’s the thing – if you have a significant other and they tick all the friend boxes, then… there is not a lot of reason to hang out with other friends. Unless your SO and you have different interests, etc.

  16. That’s another topic to write about.
    “They” say “opposites attract”. No, just no. How on earth would that ever work?
    Of course you cannot have everything in common, but certainly don’t seek for someone who doesn’t like all the things you do.

  17. So you agree then. It doesn’t really work.
    I used to fall in love so easily.
    Maybe I still do. But I don’t really want to test that, so I just keep myself safe.

  18. I can understand how if one is anxious, and the other is more calm, they can help even each other out. However, for the most part, I totally agree with you!

  19. Interesting piece. There have been psychological studies showing that many (though not all) ‘platonic’ friendships between men and women are based on attraction. Regardless of whether the friendship ended in a romantic relationship or not, the finding suggested they found each other attractive to varying degrees.

  20. I definitely believe this.
    The reason you hang out with each other is because you get on well. Add some wine and candle light, it can easily become romance 😉

  21. I much prefer the company of men to women, for the most part, as they tend to be much more straight forward, saying that, when a woman is truly your friend she will be exceptionally loyal. My best friend is a guy, we are extremely close, we are affectionate, we argue but there’s nothing sexual there and it works for us so, yes, it’s possible I think :O)

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