Self love

When I was bullied in school, the teachers didn’t know how to handle the situation.
Typical.
So, they did what everyone would do.
They called in the expertise of an “expert”: The school psychologist.

Suddenly I was the one who needed the professional help in social skills and situation handling.
Not the assholes who actually did the bullying.

Weirdly enough, I decided to take this “opportunity”.

I told her my story.
She “listened”.
Wrote down some notes.
And then came to amazing conclusion: “It seems to me that you need to learn how to love yourself”. 

This sounded strange to me.
Others are telling me offensive stuff about myself and I am the one who doesn’t love myself?

What I should have done was burst out in laughter, tell her she wasn’t worth the money, walk straight out of the session.
But of course, I was too shy to do any of that.

Funny fact: In all the dark times I have experienced, I, strangely enough, never disliked myself.
I don’t think I’m ugly.
I don’t think I walk in a weird way.
I don’t think I’m fat.
I don’t think I’m unintelligent or a bad employee.
I don’t think I don’t have a bad sense of humor.

In fact, I actually like myself.

Of course, there is always room for improvement.
You live, you learn.
But for my current age, I really am doing OK.

I have said it before and I will shout it out again (especially to school psychologist):

I wish I had a Friend Like me!

Life would have been fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

40 thoughts on “Self love

  1. I completely get where you’re coming from. I’m seeing a counselor this afternoon. Funny thing is, if she hasn’t had cancer, how is she going to counsel me on how to feel? Or get ride of the fear? I sometimes, think they’re a complete waste of time. Friends that “get” you are definitely where it’s at.

  2. I am too often skeptical about these types of experts.
    Partly, due to personal bad experiences.
    But mainly, because these people have learned everything from books or other people stories.
    Nobody deals with certain trauma’s in the same way, so they should never even compare!

    I’m sorry to hear you have to deal with this horrible disease 😦 A friend of mine is going through the same now unfortunately.

  3. Is that a question to me?

    I love myself a great deal. I have never, ever disliked myself.
    (I have been angry at myself for reasons like “did you really needed to wait 2 years to finally visit a dentist instead of waiting till you need a root canal treatment??”)

    And if I didn’t love myself, I was influenced by others. But once I got back to senses, I was back to appreciating who I was.

    Do you love yourself?

  4. Thank you for your kindness. I’m cancer free and praying I stay that way. I’ve been trying to get counselors together from the oncology department who understand and specialize. It’s a lot of red tape.

  5. I don’t think it is. We often forget that self-care is mandatory so we can move on or start fighting our demons. I do it all the time when I start forgetting (though I think I’m pretty good at self love). Doing it occasionally or thinking we do it enough does not always do. We have to be conscious of it at all times. So, once again, Andrea, are you?

  6. Since the demons were not created by me, I don’t want to blame myself for them.
    I did stay too long with certain demons though. I wish I could go back and change that.
    I also said before “what didn’t kill me, didn’t make me stronger”, but it did make me wiser to pick up signs from my own body and mind faster.

    I hope it’s not arrogant, but I do like and love myself.
    That’s why I spend so much time on my own and I do think I have a good time with myself 😉

  7. You have a friend in me too and I agree some psychologist screw u up more instead of helping,as for the bullish,I must say when it happened to my daughter the response I got from the teacher was just not the one i wanted🤔

  8. You have another friend here Andrea. I totally get your anger about this and have been in similar positions myself. Same goes for employers who offer ‘resilience training’ instead of actually helping with your workload..

  9. Awww thanks! And likewise.

    Is your daughter bullied?
    Teachers are simply specialist in their fields. But I have hardly ever seen a teacher who is passionate about working with youngsters. They hardly know how to deal with the every problems of their pupils.

  10. Thank you so much!
    I am overwhelmed by the kindness of people on here!

    Don’t get me started on Employers. Managers are the worst kind of not knowing how to deal with people 😉

  11. I must say we are lucky with our teachers they are very good and passionate,except the swearing substitute but she is the school rarely😉my daughter went through a rough time in 3rd and part of 4th class.unfortunately she is in a class of Alfa female with vicious tendencies,in particular 2of them.Teacher took some action but not as “drastic” as I thought she should have to be honest.Now is much better but the 2 elements are still mean,they change their targets and my daughter learned to stay away.

  12. It is interesting how when it comes to bullying, the problem or the person who has to work through it is solely the victim when there are really two parties involved–and one of them is involuntary. You are very right in saying the bullies also need healthy doses of self-love because they are punishing themselves as well by being bad people.

  13. I think they didn’t realised it back then. But one day, they might have childrem who might be bullied. I think it will hit them hard.

    I don’t understand the bullying system. Why not just focusing on your self?

  14. Because it’s easier to take things out on others than focus on the self. It’s a cowardly way of dealing with things, but I guess an outlet others turn to out of desperation :\

  15. That’s awful. That wouldn’t fly today. “love yourself” *snort* well i wonder what the bullies are supposed to do??? You think they love THEMSELVES very much??? oh my god.

    I think you are a cut above the rest, chicklet, and lesser people will always try to tear that down. My motto? “Fuck ‘Em!” I’m glad you survived with your humor and sparkle intact!

  16. You have me on your side too. My counselor yesterday was great. For the first time in years I felt heard and she let me just get it out without interruption. I stopped at on point and said, “Aren’t you going to ask me questions?” She said basically, as a cancer counselor and social worker, that it was her job to listen and then figure out a course of action. My issues were not caused by lack of self love. It’s called cancer.

    When you’re sick so many factors come into play besides the normal everyday life stresses. Unless you’ve been there, you can never really understand. And it works that way in many situations.

  17. Hi Andrea,

    So sorry you went through this. Bullying has been around for ages, but it seems it is rarely handled well by the adults who get wind of it. I really wish more was being done to address the things that create bullies in the first place. It’s NOT the victim’s fault, and that should be made clear by any adults who are in a position to help. In your situation, the bullies were the ones who needed to be talked to. You simply needed support.

    Thanks for sharing your story! I don’t know you personally, but from your writing you seem pretty awesome to me 🙂 . And no, you should not feel badly for loving yourself.

    Regards,

    Jonathan
    http://www.cra-z-dreamsinspired.com

  18. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one! I was literally pulled out of class in front of everyone (including the people who were bullying me), to go see this “councilor”.

  19. No way! That is horrible.
    How do adults expect you will ever forget such experience and it won’t influence for the rest of your life?!

    On a day to day basis I don’t think about it, but during a bad experience, I remember everything. It makes me so sad and angry!

  20. Omg this is awesome! I love that through everything you went through you didn’t struggle with liking who you are. By the way, I hate so bad that you had to deal with bullies, that is awful! Love this post ♥️

  21. Thank you!
    Bullies are terrible and at times they did made me think bad of myself.
    But when I did a self reflection I simply couldn’t see why I was a horrible person or not fun.
    Later on I find more “my type of people” and realized how much that type actually is!

    Thanks for reading 🙂

  22. I love this, more people should be like you! When I used to be bullied I let it get to me and hated myself. Everyone should have your mindset. My first post I wrote on my blog was actually about learning to love yourself because a lot of us don’t know how but I am so glad you do 🙂

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