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Put a label on it

We like to put labels on people.
Heck. We even like to label ourselves.
That’s why do personality quizzes for fun. Go on spiritual journeys to find the inner selves. We put definitions as introvert or extrovert onto our behaviour.
Only to be prove that we are “being ourselves”.

One of the first major labels that was attached to me, was the doctor’s diagnosis that I had OCD.
The symptoms fitted.
The cleaning. The counting. The search for re-assurance.

At first I was happy.
This was the proof to my parents that I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t the only one who did certain things.
It was just an illness which could be cured.
And so I started therapy.

This was the moment that everything changed.
Often times I felt that my parents didn’t see me as the happy, creative girl I was.
I was their problematic daughter with OCD.

My parents also talked to the specialist.
Sometimes with my presence, sometimes privately.

That’s when I noticed differences.
EVERYTHING I did in a certain sequence was blamed on the OCD.
I didn’t seem to able to explain that some things were just personal preferences or more logic to do in certain steps.

The specialist tried to find out why I had this mental illness.
When she found out my dad had spent some time in a mental health institute, her conclusion was clear: Genetics.
WRONG! So wrong.
My dad dealt with an extreme case of traumatic life.
It would even make any question the purpose of life. Even your perfect ass, mrs. “Specialist”.

When I was bullied at school, teacher’s advised me to talk to a confidential adviser.
As soon as she found out I had a mental illness, I was the problem, not the actual bullies.
I was sent do another therapist, not the bullies.

I was too young to have an opinion on my own, so I believed everything everyone told me.
How incredibly stupid.

I can’t trust mental health specialists anymore.
I don’t trust anyone who just learn by books and have never experienced the real things.

Despite that, my parents will never stop telling me to do therapy again.
And whenever they visit, I see them observing me and thinking “does she do this in that particular order because it makes sense or because of her OCD?”

My OCD is still there, but I have learned how to cope with it.
I avoid certain situations which can give me anxiety.
I wake up earlier so I know simply won’t have the energy to do any routines in the evening.
I have my hobbies who distract me from feeling the need to do something.
I don’t feel at all like I am missing out on life. I am satisfied.

It’s just other’s that feel the need to give me their best advise because they think they know me better than I know myself.

And therefore I blame these “specialist”.
They put a label on me which I can’t seem to get rid of.

Note:
this and none of my post are meant to insult or scare anyone.
It is just an extract of my experiences. 

19 thoughts on “Put a label on it

    1. This for me unfortunately was the case. Although I finally understood that it was something existing and other’s have it too (unfortunately). It just made me think I was less crazy.

      thank you for your comment 🙂

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  1. I don’t see OCD as a mental illness but then again, I have a slight case of it. Just because you appreciate order, does not make things your fault. Some specialists are idiots as well and like to place fault on people that have their own way of doing things. This is not correct.

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    1. I’m not sure in which category it falls in to be honest, but in the past it has really dictated my life.
      It has gone better, but not cause of so called specialist.
      Maybe I never got in contact with the right ones, but I can tell you: it’s a very VERY VERY commercial business.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I was’t diagnosed with the OCD until I was 30. Specifically, a “checker.” I had been joking about it all my life, but it was strangely reassuring and at the same time scary once I did have a label on it. Like oh crap, there really IS something wrong with me. 😳 But it did help me understand some of my weird obsessive behavior. And now whenever I start tweaking about something I’ve learned how to switch tracks in my brain and get over it without the help of drugs. I had to stop taking anxiety meds when I went through IVF and didn’t want to go back on them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha. Likewise. But I hate labels in clothes. The make my skin itchy!

      Im sorry to hear youre dealing with OCD! And even needed to take meds too! My therapist also me meds and they make me feel horrible.
      How’re you coping with it now? Any tips on dealing better with it?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. um, well, I decided to go a little unconventional and got approved for medical marijuana. They recently made it legal in FL. My preferred strain is targeted at anxiety and improves focus and energy. The least thing you’d expect from that right? lol. But it is such low THC that it doesn’t make you loopy. You can also totally get the high THC sleepy relaxing types too but I have a toddler to keep up with and it’s not safe to drive on that. It’s been a really interesting experience learning about all the different types and what they help with.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oeeeeeh! Haha.
        Since I live in the Netherlands (where drug is very common, but I have never used), I probably could have some of that.
        Not sure if I would dare though, haha.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m sure it is different there! But you guys have like, the real deal stuff, lol. Here it is very clinical and what I get has most of the THC removed, leaving just the CBD part.

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    1. I agree there are different “ levels” of OCD. Mine was a bit more towardsthe extreme side. If I showered or cleaned the house, it had to happen 10x because that was my lucky number. Sometimes I took a day off to manage everything.
      I think people use the term OCD to mildly or jokingly.
      If you’re experience the real thing, it can really take over your life.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. OCD is sure not a mental hilliness here.Label can help to find a treatment or a solution but can also make us prisoner of cages where we don’t belong,i kind of lived on myself but mainly i am living it with my daughter now..

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  4. I grew up with a different label or two….
    “Weird” and “different” were the nicer ones.

    Now I am an adult, and have a 10 year old, I see in him what I was, or am.

    They were calling it Asperger’s, now they call it “being on the spectrum”

    Without the psycho-technical label, I was able to adapt to a point. Enough so most people have different labels for me now. (Especially the “pastor” one) It doesn’t change my sense of injustice when others break the rules, or my ability to create the rules (oops, guidelines) when others need them.

    Everyone has some psychological issues. For in reality, it is not black and white, but a multi-shaded, multi-dimensional psyche that we’ve been blessed with, and that makes u partly who we are, who God gifted and created us to be.

    So we adapt, and we learn to play in the sandbox, or at least we don’t push on the same wall of the box others are pushing in, (because we are outside it!)

    Liked by 1 person

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