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Why do we argue

On the first night in our recent trip we were woken up by a couple next door loudly arguing in the middle of the night.
There was shouting, crying and smashing things for at least 4 straight hours.
I was slightly annoyed because I wanted to sleep.
Yet, also curious what possibly had gone so wrong that all this fuss was needed.

The Irish have an unusual accent, so it was difficult to understand.
I did catch two things.

The girl:  “How could you have chosen this stupid hotel!?”
Truth to be told, the hotel did look a lot better on the pictures.

Some time later.

The guy: “I don’t care about you as you want me to. I am just not as attracted to you as you are to me”.
This was an obvious lie, because the next evening we heard VERY different sounds from the room next door 😉

As an observer, fights sound very ugly. And it made me feel embarrassed for all the outbursts I had.

During my teenage year I had my fair share of arguments with my parents.
Today’s day, I still have them once a while with my boyfriend.
Horrible, unfair and not truth statements would be said, only to find out later that you regret them all.

Arguing doesn’t solve anything.
It takes a lot of energy.
It’s never about anything life changing or important.
And you will never prove your point.

The method that does prove to be very effective is to sit down and discuss what has been bothering you in a calm  but honest way.
Instead of blaming someone, you actually search for a solution together.
The outcome might not be necessarily ideal, but doing things in a peaceful matter does give a better chance for things to work out.

How do you handle a difference in opinion?
Do you become emotional or angry? Or do you stay calm? 

15 thoughts on “Why do we argue

  1. I suppose arguing is just the human way to let steam out but you are right when the outburst is finished, nothing is solved and we do not always feel better.may be the best way to fix is making a step back and the winner is not the one who is right but the one who is already a step ahead doing a step back😊

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  2. People who want to challenge their own opinions, in the sense of refining it, or trying to learn something, stay calm during arguments. More often than not we get emotional and angry because the other person exposes the flaws in our well defined convictions.

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    1. Well I know how it feels. I am emotional as well and I wish I wasn’t. The shouting and dramatic crying hasn’t really brought me anywhere unfortunately.
      So I am trying to cut down on that.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t know either.
        For me it always happens at home, to those that I love the most.
        At work, where the largest assholes exist, I simply cannot burst out.
        I hate it that’s it like that

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  3. This is so right. Sitting and discussing is way Better than the outburst we have. But then.. in the heat of moments, our mind don’t really work the way we want to. Deep inside we know what we are doing is horrible. But it happens when it happens.

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  4. One time, with such noise coming from the room next door, I put on my clerical collar, (remember I often look like a Catholic priest) went to their door and knocked and asked if I could help. Not sure if it was the 6’2″ very tired guy, or the fact that I had the collar on, but we quickly came to the decision that the argument wasn’t that important after all.

    Let’s just say the noise about thirty minutes later was such that they blushed a lot when they saw me the next morning at breakfast…. and yet thanked me.

    ( p.s. Disclaimer: just like many youtube videos, please do not try this at home, or on the road)

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    1. Ah wow. I think you did a good thing there.
      I must admit, I like your attitude towards certain matters. 🙂
      Have you large outburst?
      It’s very uncommon, but I do know a few people who don’t have it.

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  5. Arguing really is a waste of energy, not to mention counterproductive. Sometimes, people just really want to argue or stir things up, which is a sign that there’s something deeper going on that has nothing to do with me. Still, it can be hard to ignore them after a while. It makes for a terribly toxic environment.

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