Personal

Christmas feelings

In between all the jolly Christmas songs, there are always a few who stand out in their sadness:

Band Aid’s “Do they know it’s Christmas” sings about the less fortunate countries will never feel the Christmas spirit as we do:
But say a prayer and pray for the other ones.
At Christmas time it’s hard but while you’re having fun
There is a world outside your window
And it’s a world of dread and fear.

Jona Lewie tells Mr. Churchill to “Stop the Calvary” cause he has had enough and wants to home to his loved one.
Wish I could be dancing now,
in the arms of the girl I love.

And the one that always makes me drop a tear “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud.

This blog goes out to the people who have to face the fact that in fact they are going to be alone this Christmas.
Maybe because their loved one passed away.
Maybe because their grown up children rather spend Christmas with friends.
Maybe because they never get the chance to spend it with family.

I never really knew my relatives.
I have seen my aunts, uncles, grandparents not more than 10 times in my life.
The unfortunate war drove us apart into different countries.

I remember how my parents always did their upper most best to make Christmas special.
I’d help my dad with cleaning the entire house.
My sister helped my mum with baking at least 4 different types of cakes.
They would save up money to buy us festive clothes and presents.
The Christmas tree looked glamorous in our home.
We would eat, laugh, drink, cozy up on the couch.
It all seemed wonderful.

But I also remember how my classmates would tell how the whole family would come together on Christmas.
They would get extra pocket money or presents from their grandparents.

As a young girl, I never quite understood why this couldn’t be the case in our home and I envied my classmates.
I would even be angry at my parents for not arranging the whole family together during Christmas day.
They would answer me with a look of sadness.
They felt more than anyone what it is like to not have seen your parents and siblings in 10 years.

It breaks my heart thinking back on it.
Of course the four of us being together was the most important, but a part of their hearts would always remain empty.

Now that I am a grown up and have my own home, I am trying to return what they have given me.
There will be a table full of food.
There will be presents.
But most important, they will spend with family.
There might be tears, but hopefully out of happiness.

folksy2_new

10 thoughts on “Christmas feelings

  1. This is beautiful Andrea. Clearly you ARE the greatest gift to your parents. I, too, didn’t have privy to have family close by, for different reasons. When I became a parent and found myself in a similar situation I realized what I CAN change and how I CAN make it matter in other ways. Kudos to you my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As one who helps others struggle through Christmas, your words touch on so much of the pain I help people cope with, and to be sorta like second-hand smoke, I feel the effects of it all too much.

    It brings out my cynical side as well, as others celebrate it as if nothing is wrong in the world, while people around them are suffering grief, and others are hungry and homeless. (It may sound wrong for a pastor to be cynical about Christmas, but I am not the usual pastor)

    There is something deeper we are hungering for, no matter the celebration, or the lack thereof. And sometimes I just have to go into an empty sanctuary, and stare at the cross and the manger to begin to find it again…

    Have a blessed Christmas!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s