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I’d rather be shy

Sometimes someone tells you something which you will never forget.
The title of this post marks that ” something” for me.

The nature of my character is more towards introvert, reserved and modest.
However, for a short period of time in my life I became an “attention seeker”.

I just started living on my own and after two weeks of complete isolation, I decided I needed the get out there and at least talk to people.
I took the brave step of actually going to the shared kitchen.
Cooking wasn’t something I was comfortable with yet, but instead of eating the sandwich in my room, I joined the people who were present in the kitchen.

Very doubtful I said “Hello”.
3 guys greeted me back. They were talking in Polish to each other.
If I focus enough, I might actually understand a bit of the language.
They noticed it and asked me a couple of questions.
That’s how a conversation started.
They seemed interested in my background. They laughed at my jokes.
One of them even turned out to be a chess player.
The 4 of us started meeting up a couple of times a week.
I was playing chess with one of them, the other two cooked.

Unfortunately after a couple of weeks they left and I was on my own again.
I became however addicted to the social interaction.
I started talking to a lot more people. I organized a party and more people, than I counted on, came by.

Suddenly I loved being in the spotlight.
I loved talking to people. I loved when people listened to me.
I became 180 degrees of what I actually was.
Deep down there I knew I was becoming annoying, but I didn’t care too much.
I was enjoying the attention to the fullest.

One day during laundry, I met Anna.
She was a shy but very sweet girl.
She sometimes joined the activities I organized, but always remained in the background.
As we talked one on one, I became my usual quieter self.
At one point she asked me “How do you feel so confident?”.
I was bit shocked.
The cold hard truth that this entire act I was putting on was not at all because I felt overconfident.
In fact, quite the opposite. I was not at all comfortable and became an actress.

But that’s not what I told her. “That’s just who I am”, I answered.
“That’s quite cool, I just rather be shy”, she responded.

When I walked back to my room with my pile of freshly washed clothes I thought about what Anna said.
It stroke me that I also rather be shy.
I started wondering what I had turned into.
Where did the sudden energy to organize parties come from????
Me, who has never ever even been to a party other than a conservative birthday of a friend!

I felt a bit embarrassed to be honest.
Luckily summer holidays were about to start. I was gone for 4 weeks and returned back as the “Andrea that I used to be”.
No more acts.

Have you ever had a “wild period” in your life where you acted 180 degrees of who you actually are?

8 thoughts on “I’d rather be shy

  1. Oh yeah… I have a similar story. I thought I was an introvert and quiet type but I guess it was because I didn’t have friends. I only made fun and talked alot with those I knew.

    Like

    1. I dislike it when people say “always be yourself”. It’s not always possible. You simply cannot be the same at work as at home.
      But I seem to have switched personally completely for one year in my life. And, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone 😉 It feels better to stay true to yourself! So I am glad to hear that you have! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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